The Golden Years
On April 30, 1986, I, Raymond Muckspout was born. Roughly ten years prior to the "doomsday debut" of Everybody Loves Raymond...
In those ten years, life was peaceful; almost effortless. I was gifted a perfect childhood, thanks to my wonderful parents. They provided me with all of the necessities, taught me right from wrong, and protected me from the world's dangers. I had many friends, and the whole town seemed to show me love and favor on a daily basis...
...however, on September 13, 1996, all of that changed...
The Dark Times
After the show aired its debut, everyone began treating me like scum. I was getting strange looks, the bullies began giving me twice the daily dose of wedgies, and even my parents were putting me in timeouts more than usual...and yet I didn't quite understand why...that is, at the time...
One day, after months of torment and mistreatment, I got the courage to ask my parents why everyone was treating me so bad. Rolling their eyes and scoffing at me, they answered, "Are you really that oblivious Raymond? Have you not heard? There can only be one Raymond that everybody loves...and that's not you. It's Ray Romano." Stricken with shock, as any normal 10 year old would be, I ran to my room; appalled that this was actually happening...
The conditions only worsened when I found out the very next day, that I was going to be a foster kid. Not because my parents passed away, but because they would rather budget money for the special edition DVD boxset of "Everybody Loves Raymond" than for their own kid. Essentially leaving me to fend for myself in this cruel world...
Many years have passed since then, but I will never forget what that show did to my life. Ever since, it's been my life goal to destroy every copy of Everybody Loves Raymond. Because for my life, it's been on the contrary; Everybody HATES Raymond...
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