Have you ever thought, "I'm so sick of depending on the earth to produce pretty flowers for me. I'm a strong and independent person!", or "If going bald wasn't so brash, I'd shave my head. Hair is so overrated."
If you have, well you're not alone! Here's the 4 steps you can take to start growing your own personal garden out of your head...
1. Shave Your Head
The first step is really that simple! Get out that razor and shave cream and start ridding your beautiful scalp of that disgusting rug you wear.
2. Apply Our Proprietary Moisturizer "Turf-head" Evenly on Your Scalp
Apply this evenly and generously, as you only do this once. This is to ensure that the "artificially-grown" turf really takes root in your head.
3. Water Twice a Day
Once you've applied the "Turf-head", grab your canteen of H2O and begin watering yourself (must have an exact PH level of 7.3 and have no traces of Iron of Bleach). AVOID ACTUALLY SHOWERING AT ALL COSTS DURING THIS PROCESS, as the pressure of your shower may damage the seeds in you scalp.
4. See Results
If you continue this process, as well as occasionally hit the sun or tanning bed, we guarantee you will be growing beautiful flowers out of your head in no time! A wonderful beginning of your own personal garden, for many years to come. You can thank us later for helping sever your dependence on the earth. Your garden is yours alone!!
Warning, product is not FDA approved. Side effects may include brain damage, irreversible hair loss, cancer, hemorrhoids, cavities, memory loss, and/or Tommy John surgery. TAKE AT YOUR OWN RISK.
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