Don't worry sport, you'll get em' next time!

Dear ____,

So we get it...it was the BIGGEST game of your life, and you MISSED the big shot. Quit pitying yourself. Get over it. Nobody cares except you, your "Fangirl-ing" mother, and your hard-ass dad who told you "you're never getting a scholarship with that kind of performance"..

This event is inconsequential to the remainder of your life. It will never get brought up in conversation, even if you had made the shot. So deal with it. Move on. Life is about events that MATTER. Like getting your car washed, getting a new pair of slacks, and filing your taxes.

So go and get yourself a 401k and just forget about this insignificant time in your life. In 10 years, you'll be thanking us for this advice; we promise.

Our holiest regards,

Thalgus