Top 5 Massage Therapists in the Tri-County Area

Is your neck feeling tight? 

How about your back? 

If you answered yes, it might be time to call your local massage therapist...but who should you go with? Whose hands can you trust to rub that disgusting backside of yours? 

To help make your decision a little easier, we've decided to curate a list of the top 5, local massage therapists in the tri-county area.

(we pinky promise these massage therapists didn't pay us for advertising)

#1

Rob's Rib Rub

Some say Rob has the best mits since Joe DiMaggio, and we're not talking about baseball gloves...we're talking hands. Those magical mits will make sure to cure any tightness you have in the backtorial region...and with a 4.7 rating out of 5 on the MS (Massage Scale), Rob shows no signs of slowing down.   

#2

Sexy Stan

At the ripe age of 34, Stan has continued to impress the locals with his soft touch and savory smile. In fact, he's so sexy and suave, that patients massage him in return! Just so they can try and return the favor. With a 4.5 rating out of 5 on the MS, Sexy Stan stands tall in the very competitive, massage business.

#3

Larry Lust

Don't let the name fool you. Larry is celibate and takes no part in sexual activities. The name actually was coined by customers, who after receiving a massage from Larry, wanted to put the move on him. He currently owns a 4.4 rating out of 5 on the MS.

#4

Gracey Fingers

Ol' Gracey has the fingers of a fairy, and could loosen up any knot out there...even the trucker's hitch!  If only she hadn't lost 2 of her 10 fingers in the Battle of Buckingtram, she'd top this list...but instead she helms a 4 rating out of 5 on the MS...........or 8/10....  😉

#5

Benny Manhands

Benny is a direct descendent of a long running line of lumberjacks. His father, Lenny, his grandfather, Denny, and his great grandfather Kenny, all worked in the hills of Thaylkie cutting down all sorts of trees. However, after losing his left leg in the woodchipper accident of '92, Benny decided to switch career paths, and pursue his dream of becoming a massage therapist. Folks love him and his strong hands, which is reflected by his 4 out of 5 rating on the MS.