Career Opportunities at Thalgus: We're Hiring!

We're Hiring! 

Get a job you degenerate bum! Thalgus is expanding, and there are several new opportunities. Whether it's with the record label, video marketing team, or social media squad, we've got you covered! We're an exciting start-up and have a fun, diverse work environment -- you'll fit right in! (No Irish please).

Check out our available positions, and give us a call if you'd like to apply!

Paleontologist

• Minimum of 5 years experience required
• PhD required
• Must listen to Nickelback
• Able to work Thursdays
• Can lift up to 70 lbs
• Hard-working, closed-minded
• Mute preferred

Archaeologist

• Minimum of 3 years experience in the field (4 years in the lab)
• High School Diploma or GED preferred
• Must be tolerant of ants and other bugs
• No kids
• No family attachments
• No drama

Psychologist

• Minimum of 1 college course taken
• Must be a fan of Donkey Kong Country for NES Classic
• Able to sleep through daylight
• Short
• 4/20 Friendly
• Can explain what a Psychologist does

Sociologist

• Minimum of 3 years experience
• Minimum age of 27
• Maximum age of 29
• Wears glasses
• Doesn't support Title 36 CFR Part 13

Anthropologist

• Must be graduate of one of the following Universities:
• Oxford
• Yale
• ITT Technical Institution
• Schilling-Douglas School of Hair Design, LLC - Delaware
• Must know which bones are the leg bones
• Must have bones

Interior Train & Rail Designer

• Must have the ability to design the interiors of train and rail

Bounty Hunter

• Hard-working, intelligent
• Preferably identical to the physique of Rob Lowe
• Must supply own guns and ammunition
• Must have hunting license

Dig Site Lifeguard

• Must be ab absolute, drop-dead hunk
• Shredded abs
• Rocking body
• CPR Certified
• Minimum of 1 year experience

Construction Worker (looking to hire 65)

• Must work in construction
• Must know 64 others working in construction

Coroner

• Minimum 4 years experience
• Must have quick-thinking abilities
• Able to identify the deceased on the spot within 5 minutes
• Good communication skills

Navy SEAL Lieutenant Commander

• Minimum 2 years experience (in boot camp)
• LARGE and IN CHARGE

For all interested in applying, Thalgus provides wonderful benefits and amenities. They include the following:

• No Pay

• Salary will be offered in SEARS vouchers

• Full Benefits with personalized options

• NO VISION, NO DENTAL, NO EXCEPTIONS

• 301K, Retirement planning

• 18 Weeks Vacation, 1 Sick Day

• Company Coroner on Standby

• Company will match funeral expenses

Start your career today! 

Call us for more info! 

1-800-6